The magic of the mat – a personal journey
This year, I turn a tender 33 years old. Looking back on my journey until this point has been eye opening. Small pieces of a much larger picture have fallen into place and the golden thread of fate has become brighter, stitching my path together in front of me.
What started as an escape at 17 years old has become my heart’s true calling. My life’s mission. My Dharma. I decided to take up yoga when life was just tumultuous to say the least. I was a teenager navigating school, social life and a parental separation that had me moving from home to home for a while. I craved stability that I just wasn’t getting. So with a little pocket money from a weekend job I was working, I bought my first yoga mat. A thin, powder blue PVC mat played such an important part in my healing. Those four corners facilitated so much painful processing, so much growth and so much healing. And all these years later, I still have that ratty old mat as a reminder of how far I’ve come, and how much farther I still need to go.
At the time, I used yoga purely as an escape from my day to day impending reality. It was the one thing I could control. Getting out of bed each morning, rolling my mat out and moving was routine at first, then habit, then ritual. I started with basic beginner yoga classes on YouTube, by Eckhart Yoga and Tara Stiles. I soon developed my own flow, just feeling what felt right for me as a beginner, and I never deviated from that flow. Knowing that I had something stable and grounding to look forward to every morning gave me the strength to keep moving forward. It set the tone for my day, and if things happened to go tits up, I knew I could get in my mat and everything would be okay. My mat didn’t judge me or turn me away. I found solace in the reliability of that piece of plastic. It followed me from home to home, and wherever I went I made sure I had just enough space for my mat. Enough space for me.
At the time, my practice felt purely physical. It kept me flexible and strong, and I didn’t realise it was doing the same for my mental and emotional wellbeing. I wasn’t observing any of the 8 Limbs, none of the profound teachings. Hell, I didn’t even know they existed! I just thought if I got on my mat and moved religiously, I’d find some sliver of ‘Zen’. And in some way I did. It was my gateway to something more much later on. I think the physical practice is most people’s gateway to deeper teachings and understanding of the practice of Yoga as a whole. Years later, once I was heading to my first training, did I start really looking into the spirituality side of Yoga. And it was a light bulb moment. What I was feeling and discovering had been given meaning, a way to label it as it were. I knew I had to share this in some way. Yoga had saved me in times of heartache and despair, and I wanted everyone to know that it could do the same for them too.
I’ll admit my practice was not always perfect. Over the years, as life got more demanding and I found other fixations, my practice fell to the wayside. I was lucky if I got on my mat once a month. Now I know yoga isn’t all about being on your mat, but at that time it was my happy place. I found myself only going to my mat when I was in a deep emotional hole or needed to feel at home in my body and not be operating on auto pilot. It was a quick fix. A dopamine hit. And then life went on. I wasn’t doing the necessary work. But all roads lead back to the path.
After completing my training, I went on to continue self study. Reading scriptures, devouring information from so many different resources to better understand this path that had been laid out for me in that light bulb moment. My path of illumination. Yoga beyond the mat. So far, one of the biggest lessons I carry with me day to day is that yoga is a never ending process. Every day we learn more, we process and we practice. Whether on or off the mat. We need to feel the shitty things and accept that they exist and always will. By using yoga as a tool to process and understand this, we become better versions of ourselves. Compassionate, empathetic and patient. We don’t bypass the bad things because we refuse to feel or acknowledge them. We thank them and learn from them so that we may appreciate the light more.
Now a little disclaimer: If you are struggling with mental health issues, I highly recommend seeking professional help. Yoga is a great tool in conjunction with the right help, whether it’s therapy or medication. It should not be used as a replacement for medical attention either. Yoga teachers are not therapists or doctors, unless they actually are! Please always get the go ahead from professionals before embarking on the physical journey.
I believe yoga can change the world. And anyone can do it, no matter where you are in life. Now, go get on your mat and change the world.